卡在兩萬一的保證會社和五萬多的初期費用負擔

I was thinking that if it's easier that go back to Taiwan, but I'm not quite sure

because although this Corp give me enough opportunity, I found out it's because something no one else like to do it, and maybe I was too naive to see through what's really going on, while if I realized that I may already stock in it

i could face the difficulty, but I don't know if I'm just wasting my time dealing which is not relevant as my future, I like Japan, but I was afraid I couldn't accomplish anything at the end, it's silly isn't it?

i don't know what else to discuss the issue because I was too pride to tell my friend that I may give up what they called value of living in Japan, also I was too embarrassed to tell my family I was not having  good fortune even if working at Japan

sometimes serious issue only for my self, that's why pushing me forward alone at the moment, and it's bad circle while I was try to survive right here

i guess I just need another language to think again what is I really expected, which I always ask myself everyday

i expected....that I could truly free spiritual embraces the world and found one to connect relationship, that I need enough base to realized myself earn what's seriously important than anything matters, I could far from endless hope and hungry, poor....that the end I didn't experience it throughly what I should have, nothing but keep saying like this

I guess I really talk too much, sorry that if bothers you. I was in Nagoya, tomorrow would be back to Tokyo, and I supposed to make contract for my apartment round here and stick my mind right in this place....but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing to stay

no one but me realized all the decision is the best come from myself, only I could get it right and make it correctly, such dumb

回台灣的缺點是

1. 我接老爸工作，卻不能喝酒

2. 從此斷了再來日本工作的念頭

3. 馬丁的投資就這樣斷了

4. 自以為高人一等的姿態只能脫掉，徹底讓自己對自己失望

5. 你也就不過如此，沒有一份工作超過六個月，大家都當你賠錢貨，沒有人認同你，滾吧

6. 這一年多的時間等於是玩樂一年多，帶了什麼連結，任何關係，一點點收穫？屁

7. 繼續面對無法建立人際關係的魯蛇

留在日本的缺點

1. 這間公司不人道的對待，薪資福利都沒有，還彷彿給了我多大恩惠

2. 沒有一個我可以學習的模範

3. 除了忍受還是忍受前輩的狗屁，還有公司亂七八糟毫無章法的流程

4. 公司的屎缺都會等著丟我身上

5. 繼續浪費時間下去看不到未來，沒有價值的助理工作，又做不了業務工作，在公司裡面可有可無，獨立出來也養不活自己，未來在哪裡？自信在哪裡？

6. 繼續面對無法交到日本朋友的挫敗

問問自己到底在哪裡

還有問你真的甘心嗎

真正想要的，和應該去做的

都不是空口說白話

我好想痛扁你，臭罵你，鄙視你

可是那都無濟於事

我好像變成一點自尊都沒有了，對嗎？

那又怎麼樣呢？

如果你不知道自己要去哪裡，你在哪裡一點都不重要

你沒有任何認同，又想得到誰的認同？

什麼都不做，沒有任何東西會在我眼前等待

自己不解決問題，就等著問題解決你

唉

深深的挫敗感，我來日本是否錯了？